Know my past, understand my present

I'm back, blog world!! It's been a week since my last (and first) blog post. I promise I'm going to get better at this and post more often. I have a partial excuse/reason/explanation why it's taken me so long to post again. Now HANG TIGHT because this may be one of my longest posts, but as my title says, you have to know my past in order to understand my present.

So as I said in my first post, I've wanted to do a blog for awhile now. Mainly on healthy food, exercise, etc. But of course I'm going to post about my life in general, what's new, blah, blah, blah. I think one of the reasons it's taken me so long to create a blog (besides outrageous time spent studying/not enough time to bloggg) is because in a typical blog you learn about the person, connect with them, understand their life. Well, there's definitely been a part of my life that I haven't opened up to people about (except my loving boyfriend, parents, and a few close friends) due to embarrassment (?), shame(?), whatever you want to call it. However, it's so important for me to explain in order for you to understand me more. Again, HANG TIGHT, this isn't the most upbeat post and it could be a Debbie Downer (which I HATE being) but I've decided that in order to connect with people, help them understand MY life, I have to finally let go. DEEP BREATH. SIGH. Here it goes...

So my entire life I've been really involved in sports and being active. I began playing every sport I could at the youngest age I could start. I continued this into high school, where I played volleyball for my high school team. High school is when I really had a true desire to learn more about health and fitness. I knew going into college what I wanted to study, exercise science. Through college I was always the "healthy friend", the one that everyone asked about fitness advice, and the one that my friends could depend on to go to the gym with. I loved helping people with their "fitness" and it felt good to know that people trusted me in this category of advice. The one BAD thing about this was that I always felt the pressure to constantly be fit and eat the healthiest food, etc, etc. 

I was never the "thinnest" of my friends, which was fine because I knew I was built with a lot more muscle and was in just as good of shape as them. However, the pressure to look good and "be thin" in college was tough on me, because I quickly found that it was really hard for me to lose weight, despite my extreme efforts to workout and eat healthy. I would put on weight really easily, and could only maybe lose some of it if I worked out religiously (I mean, religiously) and skipped out on the late night parties and weeknight bar hopping. On top of the weight gain, I wouldn't get my periods every month. Not even every other month. Sometimes it would go 3-4 months between cycles (I had experienced this since I started my period, but always attributed it to me being an athlete). Sophomore year in college was when I hit rock bottom (mildly depressed) and asked my mom to take me to the doctor. I know something was wrong and I needed answers.

Over my winter break, my mom took me to a gynecologist (due to the lack of periods). The gynecologist did an ultrasound and found a bunch cysts on my ovaries. She diagnosed me with "Polycystic ovarian syndrome." If you don't know what that is, let me quickly explain. I've done A LOT of research on it. Basically it's a hormonal disorder due to cysts being on a woman's ovaries. 1 in 10 woman have this disorder, which I was surprised to hear because I had never heard of it before my visit. There are a lot of issues/side effects that woman with PCOS experience, including (most, but not all): 

• Infertility (PCOS is the most common cause of infertility)
• Infrequent, absent, or irregular periods
• Hirsutism (increased hair growth on the face, chest, body, etc.)
• Skin issue-acne, oily skin, dandruff/dry skin
• Weight gain, specifically around the waist
• Difficulty losing weight
• Male-pattern baldness
• Skin tags
• Pelvic pain

OK, there ya go. Shitty. Lucky for me, I don't experience all of these symptoms and/or don't have it nearly as bad as many woman. For me, however, the weight gain/difficulty losing weight part is the worse. Why me? Out of all things to diagnose me with, why that? A hormonal disorder that causes WEIGHT GAIN and DIFFICULTY LOSING WEIGHT??? The ONE THING I KNOW MORE ABOUT THAN ANY OTHER THING IN MY LIFE?!?! Needless to say, I left the doctors office that day completely devastated.

After college, I spent a couple of years as a personal trainer (which had its ups and downs). Again, the PCOS affected me daily. Here I am, trying to preach to other people that simply eating healthy and exercising will lead them to weight loss and toned muscles, yet I can't do the same for myself. "Calories in, calories out." "Switch to whole grains, not refined.""Bump up your exercise." (Pointing fingers at me) This doesn't necessarily work for this girl. 

So, this leads me to my point in writing this post (Thanks for HANGING TIGHT, I'm almost done). This may not sound all that devastating for a lot of people, and trust me, I know I am very blessed and could have it MUCH WORSE. I'm very thankful for the things and people in my life. I do, however, have a daily struggle with this hormonal disorder because it messes up everything in my life that I'm so passionate about. 

Given this, I do have positive things that come out of this post: 

• I want people to become more aware of PCOS. There are so many women out there struggling with it, whether it be weight issues or infertility. The more we are educated on it, the better it will be understand those that have to face it everyday.
• I swear I could be a certified nutritionist from all the additional knowledge I've accumulated from the past 6 years of personal research. Therefore, you will get plenty of creative new ways to cook for a healthier you!
• This post has been sort of a self-reflection and release of what I've been bottling up inside me for the past 6 years. It feels sooo good to finally expose my vulnerability.

 OK. That's all. Now you know my past so you can understand my present! (hehe like how I wrapped it all up?) Now for the FUN BLOG POSTS! READY. SET. GO!